


Let's make a New Beginning

by Hiyochi



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-13 01:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/818437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiyochi/pseuds/Hiyochi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Tony are both emotionally wrecked people but lives their lives trying to hide it. They think they are alone, forgotten, abandoned, or broken. Their past holds them but two different pasts, an unpredictable present, can lead to an entwined future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Suffer Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting on this site. The chapter is basically general stuff and Tony's POV. The chapter is kind of hard to read since I write more dialogue than anything else. So critics, tips, and ideas to make it easier for you guys would be appreciated. 
> 
> Mature content later.
> 
> The ' ' are thoughts and the normal " " are talking just a heads up. Also the center quotes that are bold and italics are lyrics. The one in this chapter is the song Broken-Robert Downey Jr. Check it out it's a nice song.

Let’s make a new beginning

Chapter 1: We suffer alone

We sit by ourselves in our solitude to cope with our emotions, keeping them at bay so we won’t drown in them.

Tony sits against a wall in the darkness holding a glass of whiskey not knowing how much he has drank. Staring into the darkness and thinking of nothing. The familiar burn runs down his throat and the whiskey numbing. He guzzles down the drink and looks to refill it.

Steve is in his apartment staring out the window. He sees people rushing by and hears the noise of the city, staring out into the world confused and alone. He doesn’t want to think anymore, to suffer the feelings of pain and loneliness. All he can do is try to keep living.

Neither of them ever expressed themselves, keeping to themselves, and suffering alone.

 

*

 

“Tony, I’m **_sick_** and **_tired_** of having to cover for you!” Pepper sighed.

“Those companies are just full of shit. I was just expressing my thoughts on their establishment.” Tony exclaimed.

“I brushed off the few times you stepped out of line, but this is happening too often. What’s the matter Tony?” Pepper questioned.

Tony kept a façade and shrugged “Nothing is wrong. I have always been like the Pepper.”

Pepper looked directly into his eyes “Tony, don’t lie to me. We have been together through so much for you not to trust me.” she reached out and touched his arm.

“You’ve changed Tony, ever since you came back from Iraq.” Pain flashed across his eyes but was quickly recovered before Pepper can tell what emotion that was.

Tony brushed off Pepper’s hand and put on a carefree smile, “Nothing has changed Pepper, I’m sorry for the fuck ups I’ve been doing. You should go on a vacation to anywhere you want, on me.”

Pepper stared at Tony feeling helpless that she can’t help him. “I can’t be going on vacation when I have to take care of the company.”

“Tony, I’m here for you and I’m always going to be here for you when you need me…” She embraced him in a tight hug.

Tony’s face contorted from the carefree smile to sadness. She slowly moved away to look at him and he smiled at her again.

“Thanks Pepper.” He turned around to leave the room. As the door clicked close Pepper slumped down into her chair and sighed “I wish I could do something to help him…”

Tony was in front of her office door thinking ‘There’s nothing you can do to help me Pepper.’ He strode down the hallway to the elevator to the car.

Happy was already there waiting for him and opened the door for him to get in. He asked “Where do you want to go?”

Tony replied “The usual place.”

Happy didn’t question him; he drove Tony to the place and dropped him off.

Once inside, He was everywhere, alcohol flowing through him, not a thought in mind, and not a care in the world. Tony did his own thing; the music blaring, the room shoulder to shoulder, and the lights blinding. He was approached by many different people; he wanted someone to be with tonight.

 

**_“Loving these modern times, there’ll be someone new every night._ **

**_With some other love yarn, to wrap my arms around._ **

**_No one else can understand...”_ **

 

Nights with an intoxicated mind, beds wrapped in lust, mysterious faces, and strangers’ bodies. The person or people he would spend the night with would be gone without a single trace the next day. The only thing that allowed him to know what he did the night before is bruises, hickeys, and scratch marks.

He would wake up to a cold bed and a terrible headache. How he made it home, he doesn’t know, but he can probably narrow it down to who has been taking care of him while he was not.

“JARVIS……” Tony mumbled.

JARVIS, His AI (Artificial Intelligence) responded, “Yes sir?”

“Ughh… Make me some coffee and have it ready for me when I come down stairs.” Tony spoke as he rubbed his head with his hands “And some aspirins too!”

The AI replied “Right away sir.”

Tony laid in bed trying to sooth the headache but the pain kept throbbing. He sighed and groggily made his way downstairs.

The coffee was on the counter with a bottle of aspirins next to it. Not wanting to deal with the pain Tony poured out a couple and popped them in. He leaned his back against the counter nursing his coffee.

He drank two cups of coffee, not bothered by the scorching liquid as he devoured them. He felt more awake and in less pain. The headaches have subsided. 

“I need to finish some schematics I had planned.”

Tony refilled his mug with coffee and made way down to the lab. Tight securities lock to ensure privacy and safety, the fear of being **_betrayed_** again. Once he made it inside he set down the mug at a nearby table and went to work.

When he wasn’t out getting drunk and partying, he was drowning himself in work. Neglecting his health and sleep once he was absorbed. With the continuous brutal treatment to his body it somehow learned how to cope with hunger and sleepless nights.

 

*

 

“Do you know why I called you in today Mr. Stark?” Fury asked with his elbows propped upon the desk.

Tony whipped off his sunglasses and glared at Fury. “Called me in? More like you kidnapped me! Look I don’t want to be part of your “Secret Boy Band” or whatever it is called.” Tony fumed.

Fury without the slightest emotion on his face replied “It’s called the Avengers, and if we didn’t need you we wouldn’t have called you in. I would prefer to not have to deal with your attitude if I had a choice. We need your help Stark.”

Tony calmed down slightly but he was still fuming. “Why would you need my help anyways? I pretty sure you can find someone who has the time to help!

Fury explained “We need someone who can get an aerial perspective, to help with tracking down a mysterious problem that has come up recently, and someone with your technology and brains to help solve it.”

Before Tony could interrupt, Fury pushed on. “You can leave as soon as this problem is solved, we just… no, the world needs you right now Stark.”

Fury slid the ‘Avenger’s initiative’ folder over to Tony. He stared at it, until curiosity drew him in. He opened the folder to find multiple files of people: Natasha Romanoff, Thor Odinson, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, and Steve Rogers.

 

**_Steve Rogers_ **

 

That name caught his eye, but he closed the folder before he could ponder on that thought.

Tony thought about the offer, maybe this is the change in pace he needed, he remembered how much trouble and problems he was causing for Pepper. ‘Maybe if I did this I would make Pepper happy.”

Tony finally spoke after weighing his options. “I’ll do it”

 

*

 

He encountered Natasha first “Nice to see you **_Natalie_**.”

Natasha gave a sly smile “Hello Mr. Stark.”

“Still can’t believe you were spying on me. Sexy, conniving, and devious, I love it.”

“I may have put up with your idiotic flirting when I was undercover, but I will not tolerate it now.” Natasha warned

“Awww, don’t be---”

A knife flew towards him; it landed into the wall behind him. It barely grazed him, but it sliced off a few hairs in the process.

“Not another word Stark.”

She glided across the room and grabbed the knife. She made her way to the door and looked back at the stunned Tony.

“I look forward to working with you Stark.”

She silently left the room without another word.

 

*

 

Then he met Bruce Banner, also known as the Hulk. They hit it off pretty well considering that anything he could say could possible set Bruce off. They could easily fall into a conversation and go on and on about science, mechanics, and formulas.

Tony was more curious on what could make Bruce change. So he poked and prodded, but his efforts were fruitless. Bruce just laughed at his effort.

“I think you’re more interested in the other guy than me.”

“That’s not true! We’re science brothers!”

 

*

 

Shortly after joining the team he encountered another worldly being, Thor.

His meeting with Thor in the forest was rough. They were going to kill each other and the area they were in. Their meeting was a misunderstanding but that didn’t change the fact that Tony did not like him for ruining his suit.

Tony eventually came around to the “Asgard God” and come to like the big guy.

“Man of Iron, have you tried these magnificent midgards pastries yet? They are as you midgardians would say “To die for”.” Thor boomed.

“Those are Pop-Tarts.”

“Indeed they are!”

 

*

 

Last but not least, Tony met Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America. As a child Tony idolized Captain America, so standing before him was very surreal and as a scientist it intrigued him to stand before a man who is supposed to be dead for 70 years, yet here he is with the face of 28 year old. He was the only super solider in the world and the “youngest” living veteran of World War II.  

Their meeting was not what Tony was expecting. They went straight for each other’s throat and he hated Rogers. His perspective on the “Hero” did a 360 turn.

‘Man, I was foolish as a child.’

Rogers was nothing like how he imagined him to be, he was always trying to be in control. Tony hated those types of people who just order people around and he for sure didn’t like being controlled and being told what to do.

 

Steve gritted “You talk big for a man in a suit of armor, take that off, and what are you?”

Tony sneered “Uh...Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist” and finished with a smile.

Steve loomed over Tony “I hate selfish people like you; all you care about is yourself. You’re not the one to make the sacrificing game play.”

Tony calmly replied, dauntingly “Nothing is special about you Rogers. Everything about you came out of a bottle. You’re just an ordinary man out of his time.”

Steve glared harshly at Tony and turned to leave the room.

Tony made sure to keep his “eat shit” smile intact. A facade he perfected over the years.

 

*

 

Soon after the team was put together S.H.I.E.L.D.S was invaded by an unknown source. The blue cube that was found in the ocean, the Tesseract as they later figured out, was the goal of the intrusion. Agents and scientist were disappearing most of which is highly ranked in mechanics, technology, and science, also the capture of Clint Barton which was Hawkeye.

Thor knew about the Tesseract and claimed that it is a powerful magical weapon and its power is not yet fully known.

“My brother, Loki, is the other person who knows about the Tesseract in this realm. He can harness the power of the Tesseract.”

“We need to take him down, immediately.”

“Even though my brother has done wrong doings I cannot simply stand by if you mean harm to him.”

“Thor, he killed 80 people in one day, who knows what he will do if we let him continue.”

‘Loki, what are you doing?’ thought Thor.

 

*

 

There were continuous problems when attempting to stop Loki, Thor’s “Brother”, from controlling the world. For one, Loki can control people and he managed to capture someone who was supposed to be part of the Avengers. A highly skilled assassin that was called in to be part of the team to save the world now put against them.

No one knew what they were dealing with, maybe Thor did but then again he wasn’t as bright as they may have liked him to be. Loki was a mastermind and he knew how to wield magic. It makes it immensely more difficult to take someone down that can do things out of fairy tales.

 

*

 

They managed to capture Loki after a few attempts and had him under surveillance. S.H.I.E.L.D.S had Loki under constant watch. They pushed for answers about what he attempting to do with the Tesseract. Loki did not answer their questions, he just smiled at them.

Not long after his capture, Loki managed to escape and set off to do what he was originally going to do. He later returned to bring havoc to the world.

 

*

 

“Avengers Assemble!”

Everyone was in the middle of the bridge ready to take on what was going to come at them. They have finally got, Hawkeye back on their side.

They all went off, Captain calling commands at them. Thor fighting alongside the hulk, Black Widow was leaping from bot to bot killing them and making them kill each other, Hawkeye giving her back up and air support. Captain was on the streets fending them off, and Iron man was doing whatever air support he could do and helping Captain America fight off some of the bots like alien creatures.

Loki was trying to open this portal in the earth to send in an army and destroy everything. For that to work he would need to open the portal at the highest place in the city, and that was at Stark’s Tower.

Tony flew up to the tower and walked across the top; the tower recognized him and started to strip him of his armor. Loki was in his tower staring down at the city admiring the destruction that was happening.

 

“Want a drink?” Tony asked. As he poured himself one, “You know you should be scared.”

Loki replied “What have I to fear?”

Tony replied “The Avengers… It’s what we call ourselves, kind of like a team.”

Loki smiled “Yes, I’ve met them”

Tony scoffed “You managed to piss off each and every one of them off; your brother, the demi god, the super solider who is a living legend and lives up to those standards, a man with breathtaking anger management problems, and some master assassins.” He quickly put on the cuffs that were hidden.

Loki still smiling replied “That was the plan.”

Tony spoke back after taking a sip “Not a very good plan.”

Loki becoming serious “I have an army”

Tony responded without batting a lash “We have a Hulk”

Loki smirk “How would they feel if they have to fight against you?”

Loki raised the rod to touch the arc reactor but the effect that he desired did not happen. He was shock and confused. Tony grinned at the confused god. Loki stepped forward warningly in thoughts of attack. Right on time the hulk comes smashing through the window and knocks Loki against a wall.

“ENOUGH! You dull creature, you are beneath me! I am a god!” Loki yelled.

Hulk threw Loki around “Puny God”

Thor came in and put his hammer down on Loki, knowing that it can only be him who can lift the hammer back up.

 

*

 

“There’s an emergency stop in this machine!” Widow exclaimed after finding it out.

“We need to stop them from coming first! We need more time!” Captain explained.

“I’ll buy you guys’ time.” Iron man volunteered and flew off.

There was a missile coming and Iron man grabbed onto it and started to go into the portal. All they could do was watch. He flew higher not expecting to come back, but he at least wanted to save everyone even if he had to die.

 

“JARVIS call Pepper...”

The call wouldn’t go through.

He stared at her picture longingly, lovingly, and regretfully.

‘Is this how it’s going to end?’

He flew into the portal and his armor slowly diminishing from being in space.

‘I wish I could have changed’

In his last effort he threw the missile at the incoming army.

Tony closed his eyes accepting what was to come, he waited for the end.

 

*

 

Back on earth they saw him fly up into the sky. They could see him travelling at a blinding pace to put the missile through the portal. They waited for him to come back, to come through the portal.

 

Fury was yelling at Captain “You need to close the portal NOW!”

Captain yelled back “Give him more time, he will come back!”

Fury couldn‘t take a chance “Captain! He gave you time to close the portal. Don’t put his effort to waste!”

Captain America looked at the ground wallowing in emotions “Close the portal Widow…”

 

She pushed the staff into the mechanism. The portal was closing and they all just watched as it slowly disappeared into the sky. Steve turned his head away. He didn’t want to see the portal closing knowing that Tony is still in there, emotions were coursing through him and seeps into his mind the guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety, pain, and regret.

 

“…..Captain" Steve didn’t hear it at first.

“CAPTAIN”

He quickly responds “What? What is it?”

“Something came through the portal!”

He snaps his head up seeing something falling out of the sky. “Dear god please let that be Tony…”

It is falling out of the sky at a fast speed and they watch not knowing what to do. Then the hulk dives and grabs hold of the falling object. The hulk loosened it tight grip after acknowledging it as a teammate. They settle on the street with Tony on the asphalt when the hulk put him down. Steve went to his knees. He reached out to touch Tony’s chest plate. The arc reactor isn’t glowing the soft blue anymore. Steve bowed his head ashamed unable to look at Tony without feeling remorse. They begin to lose hope that their comrade will wake up. The Hulk angrily roars and Tony woke up with a gasp. Steve looks up in surprise to see Tony awake.

 

“Aww, what the hell?! What the hell happened?” Tony looked around at their staring faces. “Please tell me no one kissed me...”

Unable to keep his smile back to hear Tony’s remarks, Steve replied “We won...”

“Oh, Yay! Alright guys, let’s just not come in tomorrow. Hey, have you guys ever tried Shawarma? It’s two blocks down from here and I don’t know what it is but I want to try it.” Tony exhaustively cheered.

Thor finally spoke “We aren’t finished yet.”

Tony sighed “Oh, after we finish, then Shawarma.”

 

*

 

After they have captured Loki, Thor took the Tesseract and Loki, planning to go back to Asgard to see how things would be settled there.

Steve looked at the Tesseract with disgust, something that followed him through his past. Clint reached out and touched his shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze and a pat on the shoulder.

 

‘It’s over, it won’t be here anymore.’ Steve thought with relief.

 

Thor gave a nod of respect to everyone. He looked back at Loki to grab hold of the Tesseract. Loki grabbed it with grudgingly and twisted it. A light appeared around them then they vanished into the sky.

Everyone parted ways, Bruce being Tony’s Science bro went with Tony, Natasha and Clint went together, and Steve got on his motorcycle.

Words were left unsaid and actions weren’t done.

“I’m currently not tracking the Avengers, they deserve their leave.” Fury explained

The organization was trying to deny him but Fury explained “When the world needs them they will come back. This battle they just fought was a warning to all the worlds.”

He left the room feeling good that the battle is over.

 

*

“ ** _Put on the suit_**.” Steve gritted

“You’ve got nothing on me Rogers, you’re just a laboratory experiment.” I glared

“Oh you’re any better? **Pretending** to be a hero? You’re **_nothing_** without your suit.”

~~

The words cut deeper than I thought they would, but he is right. He could have snapped me in half if he wanted to. Without the suit I’m human, I’m ** _vulnerable_**...

He proved himself during that fight that he is still the war hero like he was back then, the commanding Captain who is tactile and efficient. He wasn’t just an experiment, he is something more than that, and he is a true legend and a hero.

He is that perfect being my father always told me about when I was younger. I was welled with anger when my father would spend more time looking for Captain America than he would with me or he would be in the company trying to expand and become more powerful.

I stumbled across his movies not long into my childhood and was drawn to the war time hero. He was courageous, brave, strong, and kind. I admired him, probably because I wanted to be like him so maybe my father would acknowledge me, but maybe it was because somewhere deep in my heart I wanted someone like that to be my father. 

He has risked his life multiple times to save others; he was always thinking ahead and had a plan. I always charged ahead without thinking and always put myself in dire consequence. Even at the brink of death I would come back, sometimes I wonder why.

He could bounce back maybe a week later and be ready to go, but a normal person would take months to heal. I’m not afraid of dying, but I’m afraid of leaving the last thing that has ever made me want to make the world a better place.

_Pepper._

I would risk my life as many times as I need to if it means I can make it a better place for her to live.

*

“TONY ARE YOU **_FUCKING CRAZY_**?!” Pepper screeched. She was already there waiting for him when he returned from the debriefing.

“Pepper, Calm down.” Tony said as he tried to ease her anger.

“No I won’t “calm down”! Do you know what it is like to watch to you do something **crazy** and **stupid** and almost die? I thought you really died this time!”

“I thought I would've too.” he mumbled quietly.

Her anger seemed to vanish at that statement. Her face became replaced with utter sadness and fear. “Tony, I can’t.”

Pepper quietly whispered as she slumped down into the nearest sofa. She put her head in her hands. His eyes widened as he hoped that she doesn’t mean what he is thinking.

‘Please don’t take away the only thing I have’ he thought frantically.

“Can’t? Can’t what? Can’t go on vacation? Can’t be CEO? Can’t what Pepper?” She didn’t answer him and he started to panic.

“Come on Pepper, you’re leaving me hanging here.” He tried to force a laugh out. “I can change something for you if that’s what you want.” She still didn’t answer him.

“Come on Pepper I’m over here begging, what can’t you do?” Tony pleaded

She whipped up her head with eyes full of tears. “This! I can’t take this anymore! The stress, the worry, the fear! I’m scared Tony! I’m scared of you dying. I’m scared of you leaving me here. You’re all the family I have left.”

“We can work this out Pepper...” He looked at her with eyes full of sadness and pain. She had never seen him so vulnerable but she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Tony, I can’t. My body can’t handle this type of stress. I can’t help but think that every time you go off and fight I think you aren’t going to come back.”

“I’ll promise to be more careful.”

“Don’t try to feed me lies Tony. I think it’s great you are doing something like this but I don’t think I’m meant to bear this type of life.”

“I did this for you! I wanted to protect you! You are all I have!”

They both sat in silence in a room full of emotions and tension.

“....Pep, don’t leave me. We can work this out, I promise.”

“Tony...”

He walked over to couch that she was slumped in and took her small, soft, pale hands into his as he squatted down to looked her in the eyes.

“Pepper don’t do this, you’re just wounded up. You’re letting your emotions talk...”

“Tony, I don’t think I can do this.” she shook her head.

He looked down at the hand that was in his, her fingers were manicured and clean but they were slightly rough from all the work she has done, her hands who has kept up with all of his troubles all these years. He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles, she doesn’t deserve this treatment.

‘I don’t deserve her, but I don’t want to let her go. I know I’m being selfish but I want her by my side’

He stared at her hand for a moment longer before he looked her in the eyes, his eyes no longer expressing emotions.

“We should give each other space to think about this, and when you’re ready to talk about this, we can.”

He gave her his press smile and stood up. She stared at him intensely. She could read him like an open book, but he will damn well try to make sure she didn’t.

“...Okay.”

She picked up her purse and walked toward the door. Once she was at the doorway she turned to look back at Tony who stood emotionless in the center of the room. Pepper was already in her business character.

“You have a meeting this Tuesday and Thursday, one at 9 in the morning and the other at 5 in the afternoon. I will have Happy here to pick you up on both days, I expect you to be up and ready. I will also have your coffee and suits prepared, Will that be all Mr. Stark?”

He smiled inwardly to himself. ‘She always takes care of me.’ His exterior was still the same emotionless façade. He replied in a tone that was laced with endearment.

“That will be all Ms. Potts.”

She smiled a small smile as she turned to leave. He kept the facade on until he could no longer hear the click of her heels down the hallway. Then he asked JARVIS if Pepper had left the building and once he was sure she was gone. His face crumbled, he dropped down onto the sofa with a hand on forehead.

“I really fucked up didn’t I?” Tony talked out loud to no one.

“If I may sir, this has been a building up rise. From my watchings and information that I have gathered, this is not your doing nor is it Ms. Pott’s. This was a likely outcome that was going to happen either sooner or later.”  JARVIS responded.

“I know I programmed you to not be able to lie but that sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.” Tony sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“With all due respect sir, you are taking this quite harshly upon yourself. This is true that you have programmed me to not sprout falsities for I can only state facts, with that being stated that would only draw the conclusion that you are in denial of yourself.” the AI explained.

“Well I sure as hell didn’t program a personality in you but I feel that each day that passes you become more snarky and sarcastic.” Tony snorted.

“I learn from the best.” JARVIS deadpans.

“I’m going to do drown my sorrows in the workshop, don’t call me unless an apocalypse is going to happen.” He spoke as he walked toward the workshop.

“Yes sir.”

*

Tony awoke on the cold, hard, concrete floor of his workshop. He was surrounded by empty bottles. He realized that he didn’t try to build anything while he was drunk. He ran a hand through his hair.

‘Pepper probably programmed JARVIS to shut off my tools if I got too drunk--.” His hand stopped in his hair.

‘Pepper…’

Tony didn’t want to think about this, he wished there was another bottle within reach but his body screamed exhaustion. He managed to drag his body over to the couch. He laid sprawled across the couch with his head on the armrest and threw an arm over his eyes. Exhaustion drew him into slumber.

*

When he woke up from his sleep he had an eye full of Rhodey staring at him. Tony sat up quickly but the quick change in position made him have to close his eyes to steady himself.

“Whoa easy there, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I need coffee.” Tony stated with hands over his face to massage his temples.

“JARVIS had it started; I’ll go get you some.” Rhodey replied as he left the room.

Tony tried to open his eyes to readjust to the room but it just made his headache worse. He just sat with his head in his hands. “JARVIS, why is Rhodey here?”

“You had repeatedly asked for his presence when you were intoxicated. I merely filled your request and called Colonel Rhodes to see you.”

“Since when did you ever start listening to my drunken requests?”

“JARVIS just called me but I came here on my own account.” Rhodey explained as he came back with three mugs of coffee.

He set one down at the nearby table and handed one to Tony who made grabby motions toward the mug. “Have at it you coffee addict.”

Tony just snagged the mug and stuck out his tongue at Rhodey. He didn’t even bother to wait for it to cool before he started to gulp down the drink. He deliberately made sounds when he devoured the drink.

“God did I ever tell you how much I love you JARVIS?” Tony chirped as he reached for the second mug.

“On many occasions.”

“I should make you run a coffee store; I would be rich, if I wasn’t already.”

He continued to make sounds when he was drinking, they were so loud and obnoxious they would make anyone feel awkward and embarrassed, but Rhodey was already used to this behavior.”

“I said drink your coffee not have sex with it.”

“You’re just jealous of our relationship.”

They just sat in a comfortable silence while they finished their drink before they started talking. Tony clutched the mug between his hands.

“I thought you weren’t going to be back until next month.” he stated

“I pulled some strings so I was allowed to come back for a while.”

“Really how long do you get to stay?” Tony perked up hearing that his best friend can stay for awhile longer.

“About a week.” Rhodey answered.

“Seriously? You should stay here! We have so much we need to do. I’ve bought a new car that I wanted to fix up and I might need another pair of hands.”

“Yeah, we can do that but that’s not what I’m here for Tony.” Rhodey said seriously.

“You came to visit me since you missed me, you shouldn’t have. You didn’t even bring flowers for your housewife how could you?” Tony feigned hurt

Rhodey scoffed “You? House work? Now that’s something I would pay to see.”

Tony grinned “Why pay? I’ll do it, just for you.”

Rhodey laughed “Yeah okay. I’m pretty sure you can burn water. You’ll probably just destroy the house.”

Tony shrugged “You’re probably right, that’s why I have people who will do it for me.”

“Yet you don’t eat properly.” Rhodey pointed out.

“I…I do eat, just not that frequently.” Tony explained

“Hot pockets and coffee are not sufficient.” Rhodey rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Don’t ridicule my diet, I eat burgers too!”

“Yes, because that’s so healthy Tony.”

“They’re sufficient.” Tony mumbled

“Tony you need to eat real food not just take-away and microwave food.”

“Jeez, what’s with you guys? I don’t need another caretaker, Pepper is already—“

Tony’s eyes widened slightly as his sentence cut short. He snapped his mouth shut and just stared blankly.

“Tony—“

“I’m fine.”

“Do you really think that?” Rhodey looked at him skeptically.

“Yes, I’m **_Fine_**.”  Tony gritted.

“We can talk about this.” Rhodey said as he grabbed a chair.

“No. I said, I. Am. **Fine**.”

“Seriously?”

“For fuck’s sake, YES!”

“Is that why there are a pile of bottles over there, because you are “fine”?”

Tony growled “That’s none of your goddamn business!”

Rhodey calmly replied “Well you obviously called me so now it is my business.”

“I was drunk!” Tony threw his hands in the air, frustrated.

“That Tony was more honest than you are.” Rhodey stated.

“I…I just…” Tony ran a hand through his messy hair.

“I fucked up with Pepper.”

Rhodey didn’t say anything but urged Tony on with his silence.

“I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I said that we should give each other space to think about this, but I think this might just of ended it. I wanted to join the Avengers to protect her, to show her I can take care of myself and not cause trouble for her, but it just seems I hurt her more than help.” Tony sighed as he ran another hand through his hair, he pulled on the ends of his hair and he let his hand fall back down.

“She’s... she’s all I have left. I don’t want to lose her.”

Rhodey touched Tony’s shoulder, he gave a comforting squeeze. “You did the right thing. You guys need to have time to think about this.”

“But what if I lose her because I’m doing nothing! I can’t just sit on my hands.”

“You might make things worse if you try to push things; I’m telling you Tony you won’t lose Pepper. She won’t leave, she would never do that, maybe you guys won’t have the same relationship but she will still be there for you.”

“I want to be in a relationship with her! I don’t want her just to “be there” I want her more than that. I know I’m being childish and selfish and not thinking of what she wants but I lo--!” his sentenced cut short.

“...I need her Rhodey. I don’t know what I should do.” finishing his sentence

‘Was I going to say love? Do I love Pepper?’ Tony thought to himself

 “Tony, you might just have to wait to see how things turn out, I know it’s going to hard but that’s all you can really do right now.”

“God I need a drink.” Tony groaned as he threw his head back.

“Not tonight buddy, let’s get you cleaned up. I don’t want to be seen with a scruffy looking, alcoholic smelling hobo” Rhodey wrinkled his nose.

“You’ve seen worse.”

“Oh I’m so honoured (or honored).” Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Go get clean up and then we can go get food.”

“You’re taking me out on a date, how thoughtful!” Tony faked a girlish excitement as he got up.

Rhodey playfully punched Tony in the arm “C’mon before I leave without you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh yeah? Try me.”

Tony raised an eyebrow with an amused smirk on his face.

Rhodey pointed to the door, “Go.”

Tony raised his palms up as he walked over to the door. “I got it, I got it. I’m going.”

He walked out of the door before popping back in. “Unless you care to join me?” Tony waggled his eyebrows.

Rhodey threw a couch pillow at him and it hit him in the face. “Hurry up before I kick the shit out of you and spray you with a hose.”

Tony laughed as he walked up stairs.

Rhodey shook his head and chuckled to himself. He walked over to pick up the pillow by the doorway and found a bottle lying next to it. Rhodey picked up the bottle to throw away but as he looked for the trash can his eyes laid upon the pile of empty alcohol bottles.

‘God Tony, what are you doing to yourself?’

Tony was right, he has seen worse but it seems like Tony is relapsing back to that unstable state. That made Rhodey really worried, he had seen Tony at the lowest points of his life and each time he would “come back” from his slump he would be more closed off and secretive, it’s like you weren’t seeing the real him anymore but just a shell of it. 

‘I remember when he came back from Iraq; he was so frail and hateful to everyone. He didn’t trust anyone but himself and was doubtful of everything. He is finally coming back around; he opened up to me about Pepper. I can’t let him go back to being alone, holding the weight of the world by himself.’

Rhodey started to gather all the empty bottles into an empty area and asked JARVIS where he should dispose of them. He could tell that there has been a less amount of bottles as time went on, which was a good thing.

He wasn’t like what he used to be, Rhodey remembered when Tony was at his lowest, he shuddered.

‘Those emotionless eyes, the dull expression, and the metal barriers he put up to distance himself. He was so withdrawn, like life didn’t matter anymore.’

Rhodey never wants to see Tony like that again and he will do everything in his power to prevent it from happening.

*

“Alright, let’s go! I’m starving!” Tony made his entrance.

Rhodey had finished picking up the bottles and was lazing around on Tony’s couch.

“Took you long enough.” Rhodey said as he got up.

“Stop complaining, at least I took a shower and changed clothes.” Tony rolled his eyes.

Tony walked past Rhodey to his garage, the lights flipped on. The line of cars parked neatly from custom to classics. Rhodey followed in after.

“So what car should we take? The Bugatti? The Aston? The Reventon? Maybe something less flashy. The R8? Or how about---“

Rhodey waved a hand to dismiss what Tony was saying.

“I’m choosing since you are taking so long.” Rhodey walked over to a mustang and hopped in.

“You always choose this car and why do you get to drive!” Tony whined.

“Quit your whining Princess. Just get in.”

Tony hmphed and walked over to car.

“You’re paying for dinner.” Grumbled Tony as he got settled in.

“Like hell I will.” Rhodey laughed as he sped out of the garage.

Tony smiled as he turned to stare out the window; he rested his face on his hand.

“Thanks” Tony mumbled quietly.

Rhodey didn’t have to say anything to know that Tony knew that he heard him, he just smiled to himself. They just continued driving with the music blasting and with smiles that graced their lips.

*

“So where are we going Cupcake?” Tony finally said after getting bored.

“Don’t worry about it.” Rhodey answered.

“I think I deserve to know Sugar Plum.”

“As long as we get food does it matter?” Rhodey raised his eyebrow.

“I’m paying for it Darling.”

“Like that even matters with how much money you have.”

“I think it does Pumpkin.”

“I know you are trying to use the pet names to annoy me but it’s not working Tony.”

“What are you talking about Sweet Pea?” Tony said trying to be innocent 

“You’re just trying to annoy me since I called you a whiney princess.”

“You’re no fun.” Tony pouted

“I’m loads of fun. You just think that annoying people is amusing.” Rhodey rolled his eyes.

“It’s a best friend perk.” Said Tony as he changed the music station.

“Yeah? Changing the music isn’t one.” Rhodey changed it back.

“My car, my music.” Tony flipped it back.

“I’m driving.”

“Like I care Dumpling.” 

“Are we really going back to the pet names?” Rhodey asked incredulously

“I could do this all day Buttercup.” Tony leaned back in the passenger seat with his hands behind his head.

“You are going to run out of food names to call me.”

“I can start calling you other things Sweet Cheeks, Love-Bug, Doll Face, Cuddle-Bug, Honey… want me to continue?” Tony said counting off of his fingers.

Rhodey raised an eyebrow at Tony.

“I could call you more kinky names if you’re into that.”

Rhodey didn’t say anything so Tony rose to the challenge.

“There’s Papa, Master, Daddy, Majesty, Big Boy, …Colonel.” Tony side glanced at Rhodey.

‘Still no reaction huh?’ Tony thought amused. ‘I have to change that’

“I could always go to the straight vulgar ones. Like---“

“That’s enough Tony.” Rhodey put up a hand to cut him off.

Tony grinned at Rhodey “I never knew you were into that stuff Rhodey, you kinky bastard.” he teased.

“You’re such an annoying prick, you know that?” Rhodey laughed

“I try.” Tony shrugged as he put his legs on the dashboard with his arm behind his head.

“Most people would smash their head on a wall if you were like this all the time.”

“Most people don’t get to see me like this, so you should be honoured (or honored) that the great Tony Stark allows you to see him like this.”

“Oh thank you Great One for allowing me this privilege, I’m deeply honoured (or honored).” Rhodey said sarcastically.

“You should be.”

Rhodey scoffed “Your ego is a mile wide.”

“Aw c’mon….It’s more like 3.” Tony smirked.

 Rhodey shook his head “You’re something else.”

That sat in silence for a moment before Tony spoke up again.

“So where are we going?”

“If you shut up, you can change the music.”

Tony changed the music and leaned back into the chair.

“…Cupcake.”

Rhodey groaned.

*

After eating, they sat at their booth, relaxing. Tony stared down at his drink before he came to a conclusion.

“I’m going back to Malibu.” Tony looked up from his drink.

“Why?” Rhodey asked curiously

“I need to get away for a little while to let Pepper think things through. If I’m still here I will have the temptation to go see her before she’s ready to talk. She deserves time to think about it.”

Rhodey was silent for a moment before answering “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. You guys need space to breath.”

“Great. Will you tell her for me that I’m leaving?”

“You’re not going to tell her you’re leaving yourself?”

“I’m...not ready to see Pepper yet.” Tony stared back down at the drink in his hand.

“Okay. You’re not going to do anything stupid in Malibu are you?”

“No promises.” Tony gave a half smile.

“Don’t you have any meetings” Rhodey questioned.

“JARVIS sent a notification to my phone telling me that the meetings were cancelled, so I’m free to go.”

Rhodey nodded his head. They sat quietly for a moment before Rhodey asked another question.

“When are you leaving?”

“I wanted to leave as soon as possible, but since you are here I was planning on sticking around for awhile.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, we can do this whenever.” Rhodey shrugged

Tony looked at Rhodey skeptically “You have to go back soon and then you’re gone again till god knows when.”

“I have vacation time stored and favors that needed to be fulfilled. I can come back again whenever. Plus if I come back sooner this won’t count against me.”

“So you’re saying that you could’ve come back whenever but you haven’t...”

“I don’t mean that I avoided coming home, but I had orders and missions I had to do and I couldn’t come back. So my vacation time have accumulated.” 

“Uh huh..”

“Go Tony, we’ll do whatever you wanted to do another time.”

“Thanks Rhodey.”

*

Tony constantly locked himself in his workshop in Malibu, surprisingly Pepper did not call him once while he was there: No meetings, no conferences, no business discussions, nothing.

‘She probably scheduled everything for another time.’ Tony thought one day when he realized (or realised) that he didn’t receive a call the first few days he was there.

‘Or she’s avoiding talking to me’ Tony thought sullenly.

He stayed in his lab thinking about what will happen or possible scenarios that could happen. He thoroughly thought each scenario through and always came to the conclusion of Pepper leaving him.

Angered by the results he would drink himself into oblivion. Angry at the world because he can never do anything right and can never please the one he want the most recognition from.

“WHY CAN’T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!” Tony hurled a whiskey bottle at his glass walls.

The glass shattered in the collision, the sound resonated through the room. The sound made Tony feel open and vulnerable like he himself was the glass that shattered..

“Why can’t I do anything right?” Tony looked at his shaking hands. He swayed from side to side stumbling across the room to sit on the couch. He sat with his arms across the back with another bottle in one hand. He constantly took swigs of his drink.

“Why am I here?” Tony rubbed a hand across his face. He screamed in frustration. The bottle slipped from his grip and broke on the floor. Tony sat in the silence, drunkenly sober. Feeling how silent the house was and realizing (or realising) how alone he was.

“I’m tired of this”


	2. The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is what changes us, but it also keeps us from changing. Are they scared to take the first step to put everything behind them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of different fonts during the story, some are lyrics for the song of Echo-Jason Walker (check it out, there's a fanvideo for Stony) and some are flashbacks and dialogue from the past.

Chapter 2: The Past Consumes You 

Steve struggles to learn how to adapt to the 21st century with all the new technology and lifestyle. Everything is different. Anything that he knew is gone or changed. Everyone he loved was deceased and here he is, alive and in a place he doesn’t understand.

**_“Hello, hello._ **

**_Anybody out there? 'Cause I don't hear a sound_ **

**_Alone, alone._ **

**_I don't really know where the world is but I miss it now.”_ **

He spends an immense amount of time in his temporary apartment, trying to find comfort in a familiar place. The world out there is overwhelming. The world inside is suffering and frightening. Every night is scarred with nightmares and memories.

 

*

_“GRAB MY HAND!”_

I can reach him just a little bit further. Just a little bit further. The bar snapped as his fingertips grazed mine.

_“AHH!”_

_“BUCKY!”_

He plummeted to the ice, disappearing into the cold.

*

_“You don’t like music?”_

_“I do, actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.”_

_“Then what are you waiting for?”_

_“The right partner.”_

Those beautiful dark hues, that scarlet red hair, and the fierceness in her eyes.

*

_“You just don’t know when to give up, don’t you?’’_

_“I could do this all day!”_

Another fist came hurling towards me.

 

*

_“This is why you were chosen. Because a strong man, who has known power all his life, will lose respect for that power, but a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion.”_

_“Thanks....I think.”_

A true man of strength and the person who showed me what a true hero is.

*

_“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”_

_“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”_

The comfort from a warm embrace from a best friend and a family member.

*

_“Do you want to kill Nazis?”_

_“No, I don’t want to kill anyone…. I just don’t like bullies.”_

The first person to give me a chance and the ability to change.

*

_“I’m going to need a rain check on that dance.”_

_“Alright. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”_

_“You got it...”_

_“8 o’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late! Understood?”_

_“I’ll be there.”_

Her picture was the last thing I remember.

*

 

Steve sat up quickly; panic coursing through him as tears brimmed around his eyes.

‘Where am I?’

He looked around frantically as it settles in. Then he remembers where he is.

‘Oh, I’m in my apartment...’

The adrenaline and panic still pumping through him. He closed his eyes to collect himself, bad idea. The images of his past flashed through his mind:  their faces, their conversations, and the feelings.

**_Another dream…_**

He opened his eyes feeling more relentless than he did a few moments ago. He remembered them so vividly; it was like they were just with him.

‘Like I just saw them yesterday, but I didn’t… They’re gone… They lived their lives…’

**_“I’m out on the edge and I’m screaming my name_ **

**_Like a fool at the top of my lungs_ **

**_Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m alright but it’s never enough…”_**

The blankets now collected around his hips as he ran a hand through his hair. His hair was slightly damp from the cold sweat.

‘They’re gone…I can’t ever see them again.’

His mind drifts back to the events of Tony falling out of the sky then his mind thought about what happened on the train.

_He was just at my fingertips. If only...If I could have reached out further. Just a little bit further, just a little._

Steve looks at his hand and clenches it; he sighs and rubs his face with his hand. He scrubs his face of tears, the guilt is building up. He can’t help but think what if Tony would have died because he closed the gate earlier, what if Tony died and his last words to him were only cruel?

His mind ponders on the idea and the more he thinks, the guilt grows bigger and he feels regret for not straightening things out with Tony. He is at least still alive, and he can change how things are.

Steve puts his head in his hands to clear his head. He lifts his head to realize that he was vaguely shaking.  A fear that wraps his conscious and anxiety that protrudes his mind.

He lets out an exasperated sound and tossed the cover aside. He swings his legs over the side and made his way towards his drawers. He quickly changes clothes to something to train in. Not bothering to look in the mirror he quickly wrapped his hands. He glanced at the clock, it’s around 4 a.m.

‘Today is going to be a long day.’

He grabbed a duffle bag with a change of clothes and left. He found himself alone in the nearby gym, thankful since it gave him time to clear his mind. S.H.I.E.L.D.S had said there was a gym in the headquarters but he didn’t want to feel like he was being watched. He wanted to clear his thoughts and the only way he knew how was to exercise to exhaustion.

He placed his bag on a bench and strode to the nearest sand bag. He started off at a slow pace but picked up speed as time progressed. He fell into a pattern of arm movements. As he slowly became more concentrated his guard slowly dissipated. Thoughts began to flood his mind.

**_“Did you get your orders?”_ **

**_“The one-o-seventh, Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping for England first thing tomorrow.”_ **

 The punches became a little more aggressive. ‘I should have been there with him.’

 

**_“This isn’t a back alley, Steve. It’s a war!”_ **

**_“I know it’s war, there are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. This isn’t about me!”_ **

The speed increased with the anger. ‘I know, I **Know** , I just want to protect the people I love and care for.’

 

**_“You were meant for more than this.”_ **

The movement faltered for a moment before picking back up to speed. ‘I miss her. I miss her so much.’

 

**_“It wasn’t your fault.”_ **

**_“Did you read the reports?_ **

**_“Yes”_ **

**_“Then you know that’s not true.”_ **

‘I couldn’t even save the last piece of family I had.’ He slammed his fist with more force than before, the bag swung.

 

**_“You will do great things.”_ **

He nearly yelled in frustration. ‘I couldn’t even save you!’

 

**_“Nothing is special about you Rogers. You’re just a laboratory experiment.”_ **

Without control from his anger and frustration he punched the sand bag with as much force as he could muster. The bag flew off the placement and hit the brick wall on the other side of the gym. With a loud collision that left a crack in the wall, the sand spilled on the floor.

Steve huffed out air, not from exhaustion but from remorse.

 ‘You’re right, I couldn’t even protect the ones I love and I let the down the ones who I could.’

**_“Cause my echo, echo is the only voice coming back_ **

**_Shadow, shadow is the only friend that I have.”_**

He closed his eyes to recompose himself.

**_“I’ll buy you guys’ time.”_**

‘He didn’t even hesitate. How could have I been so wrong about someone? He nearly gave his life to save everyone and didn’t give it a second thought, like it was a second nature to save someone.’

Steve walked over to the broken sand bag. He accessed the damaged to the wall and the bag. He moved the bag aside where it wouldn’t spill sand anymore. He quietly cleaned the spilt sand. After cleaning up the damage, he managed to find a pad of paper. He wrote his name and address for the billing of the damage and left it on the broken bag. He swung his bag over his shoulder and glanced at the clock before leaving the gym. It was 6:25 a.m.

He wandered aimlessly as his feet led him. He walked with a slumped posture and his gaze downwards. He cowered into himself feeling uncomfortable and alienated. His wandering had led him to an outside café. There were people, reading, chatting, writing, and drawing. He felt a tinge of relief; people still did what he did in his time, they didn’t just rely on technology all the time. A young blond waitress approached him.

“Would you like a table?”

Steve looked around curiously drawn in by the atmosphere emitted from the cafe. “Yes ma’am.”

She sat him at a nearby table. “Here’s a menu. Would you like anything to drink?”

“Coffee please”

She brought him out a cup of coffee and gave him cream and sugar for the side.

“Thank you ma’am.”

“Anything else sweetheart?”

“No thank you ma’am”

She stared at him curiously as she reached for the menu but smiled gently at him. “Stay as long as you like we have Wi-Fi.”

Steve stared at her confused and puzzled but politely nodded his head. He wrapped his hands around the mug and clutched it. The view from his table was of the busy life of the city: hustling and bustling, the skyscrapers in the horizons, and the cars whisking by.

A skyscraper stood out proudly among the rest. As many skyscrapers look the same this one was the tallest and has a different structure than the rest. Steve stared at it drawn to the structure and the familiarity.  The waitress followed his eyes and spoke once she realized what he was staring at with such an intense gaze.

 

“That’s the Stark Tower. People tend to wait around here waiting to see if he will fly by.”

“Do many people admire him?”

“Well he used to be out there impertinent and wild, but he went missing and when he came back he did a 360 on his life. Now he saves lives and runs a company, so he is a big thing to us everyday people.”

‘I didn’t really know much about him, did I?’ Steve thought to himself. “Does Mr. Stark allow visitors?”

The waitress looked at him surprised. “Mr. Stark has people who take care of the visitors who try to see him like screaming fans or people thinking of harming him but I think he makes exceptions to some people.

Steve nodded his head to acknowledge the new information he just got.

The waitress smiled and said, “Come back again, you might get lucky and see him fly by.”

*

Days past with a guilty conscious, he would find himself repeatedly drawn to the cafe and he would sit there observing people. Eventually he started to sketch on pieces of paper of the city, people walking, and the skyscrapers.

The waitress of the cafe was named Diane and she would strike up small conversations with Steve when he would come by. 

“You are quite the artist.” Diane stated as she refilled Steve’s mug.

“I used to draw, but I had to put it off for... awhile.”

“Well it’s great that you started again, that would be such a waste of talent if you didn’t.”

 He gave her a small smile who in return smiled at him.

*

Steve would wander aimlessly for hours, observing the city. He started learning routes, streets, stores, coming home at nightfall just to stare out at the city. The city never seems to sleep, always awake and alive. Even when he was tired, he would avoid sleeping, to suppress the dreams that bind him behind closed eyes.

His eyes would constantly spot out the Stark Tower, a focal point of the city. Days would lead on and his feet would lead him there. His guilt would constantly eat at him.

‘Would Stark even care if I apologize?’

‘He’s probably busy’

‘Maybe he’s not in’

‘What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

He would use excuses to avoid confronting Tony, but the guilt kept him from avoiding the situation. Though he knew that Tony wouldn’t care if he apologized to him, he wanted to tell Tony that he was wrong about him.

*

Steve came all the way to the Stark tower after working up the courage. He stared at the tower feeling intimidated and hesitated to walk to the entrance. He fidgeted at the door, once he calmed down he opened the door to walked into the lobby. He was amazed how grand and organized the interior was. At the end of the lobby was a desk, he walked towards the receptionist. She was taking multiple phone calls and typing rapidly. Steve walked up to the desk and waited for the women to finish her conversation before answering him.

“Thank you, have a nice day.” She disconnected and looked at Steve “How may I help you Sir?”

Steve asked “Is Mr. Stark in?”

“I’m sorry Sir. Mr. Stark doesn’t like having visitors. May I have your name?” the receptionist asked.

Steve replied “Steve Rogers.”

Her eyes grew slightly bigger and a small smile appeared.

“Oh, one second Mr. Rogers, please wait over there.”

She gestured to a lounge with chairs and refreshments. Steve walked over there and sat down. He began to fidget in his seat. To take his mind off being nervous he looked around the place.

The place was very simple and graceful. It was very well decorated; the color scheme was very relaxing and pleasing to the eye. Steve just sat in silent not really knowing what he wanted to say to Tony. He came all the way down and he didn’t really have a plan on what he was going to say. He twiddled with his thumbs trying to not seem nervous.

Then the sound of heels clicking caught his attention. He looked over to the source to find a woman dressed in a very businesslike manner. She had pale skin and orangey blonde hair. She was a beautiful woman by any standards. She approached him.

Steve got up from the seat and she put her hand out, “Please to meet you Mr. Rogers. I’m Virginia Potts, also known as CEO of Stark Industries.” Pepper explained.

Steve reached out to shake her hand “Pleased to meet you Ms. Potts.” he gave her a slight smile.

She gestured toward the elevator “Do you wish to go somewhere more private to talk?”

Steve nodded and followed her into the elevator into her office. Once they were in her office, Pepper motioned him toward the seats then she questioned

“Are you looking for Tony, Mr. Rogers?”

“Yes ma’am, I am. Is he here?”

Pepper eyebrow rose questionably “No, he isn’t here. Did you have something to tell him? I would gladly leave a message for him for when he returns”

Steve sighed “Yes ma’am, I do. I was looking for him but since he isn’t here currently I might as well go home” as he got up from his seat.

Pepper hesitated for a second before she stopped him. “Wait Mr. Rogers, he is currently in Malibu. I can give you the directions and you can take the jet there.” she said quickly

He stared at her incredulously for a second before he asked “You didn’t have to tell me where he is ma’am I can just come back another time.”

She looked at him with seriousness in her eyes that showed hints of weariness “He’s currently locking himself in that house and I’m too busy with all this work to babysit him. I need someone who is going to get him out of his lab one way or another, even by force.

Steve felt confused ‘Why would she ask me to do such a task when we are much like strangers?’

“I don’t want to be intrusive for Mr. Stark, I can just come back another time.”

“Mr. Rogers I insist, you wouldn’t be intrusive.”

“Not to be rude ma’am but why are you asking me?” Steve finally asks.

Pepper sighed, “I think you can help Tony, to bring him out of the mess he’s in right now. I know this is a very personal request from someone you don’t really know but I don’t really have many options right now.”

Steve thought about the request ‘Ms. Potts must be really desperate about this situation with Mr. Stark if she asked me when Mr. Stark and I clearly got off on the wrong foot, but this would give me a chance to straightening things out with him and help Ms. Potts in need.’

Being good natured and willing to help those in need he replied “I don’t really know how to deal with Mr. Stark but I will do my best.”

Pepper smiled, relieved and said “Happy will pick you up once you land in Malibu Mr. Rogers and thank you; I really appreciate you doing this.” She reached out to shake his hand

Steve shook her hand “You’re welcome ma’am and please, call me Steve Ms. Potts.”

“Then please call me Pepper, Steve.”

Steve smiled at Pepper “When should I leave?”

“Ah, I know it’s kind of rushed but can you leave tomorrow? I can have everything prepared for you tomorrow so don’t worry about it.” Pepper explained

“That’ll be fine. Thank you, Pepper.” Steve nodded

*

Pepper really did have everything prepared for Steve. She even had luggage for him and it seemed to have everything that he needed in that suitcase. She even prepared clothes that he preferred.  Pepper is truly an amazing person. He wondered how she does it but then he remembers that she is Tony’s CEO, meaning that she is something truly great having Tony trust her to run his company.

Steve boarded the jet and set off to Malibu. He stared out the window thinking of what he should say to Tony once he sees him.

*

Surely enough once he got off the jet there was someone waiting for him. Happy walked up to Steve. Steve set down his luggage once he got closer to the approaching person.

“Please to meet you Mr. Rogers! It’s an honor to be in your presence. I’m Happy Hogan; you can just call me Happy. I’m Tony’s driver.” Happy chirped as he stuck out his hand.

Steve put out his hand to shake Happy’s hand “Please, just call me Steve. It’s a pleasure to meet you Happy.”

Happy took Steve’s luggage and began to walk to the car.

Steve spoke out “It’s fine you don’t need to carry my luggage, I am capable to do so.” He jogged to catch up to Happy.

“It’s no trouble Steve. I want to do this for you.” He reluctantly gave into Happy and said thank you to him.

Happy put the luggage away into the car Steve was already in the car. Happy told him to sit in the back because it was his job to be a driver and not company. Again Steve reluctantly did what he was told.

 Once Happy was back in the car and he was driving off he asked Steve “Do you have any idea where you are going to be staying while you’re here?”

Steve answered “I wasn’t planning on staying, I need to take care of some things with Tony and I was going to return home.”

Happy perked “Why don’t you stay in Malibu for a while? Go out and explore! You are on leave right now and you’re already here, so why not have fun?”

Steve thought about it for a moment ‘I could use this time to clear my thoughts, to get away from the repetitive routine. I used to love to travel; maybe I can start drawing landscapes again.’

“That sounds like a good idea, I might take you up on that. Do you know anywhere I can stay?”

Happy replied “I can make reservations for you and take you there after you are done taking care of business with Tony.”

Steve gave a small smile “Thank you Happy I appreciate it.”

Happy replied happily “You’re very welcome Steve.”

*

When they arrived in front of Tony’s home, Happy gave Steve his number and told Steve that whenever he needed a ride somewhere he could call him. After Happy left, Steve finally took in how grand Tony’s home was. Unlike his tower which was very plain on the outside, the house was a beautiful architect and looked very serene and peaceful.

Steve walked up to the door. He looked around to see if there was a doorbell but there wasn’t. A moment before knocking on the door a voice interrupted him.

“Captain Rogers”

Steve jumped and his stance became defensive “Who’s there?”

The voice replied “Do not be alarmed Captain Rogers. I apologize for frightening you.”

Steve looked around skeptical and said slowly “I’m looking for Mr. Stark, I need to speak to him.”

Steve felt weird talking to the air; he didn’t really know where to look since he wasn’t talking to anyone physically. He stood straight again but his mind was on constant guard.

The door opened and the voice said “Ms. Potts has informed me about your arrival Captain Rogers. Please wait inside; Mr. Stark will be with you shortly.”

Steve stepped inside in door; he gently closed the door behind him. He turned around to look at the room. The house was equally as beautiful as it was on the outside. It was elegant and peaceful: The large living room, the waterfall panel, the view of the ocean. He began to walk around the room taking notice of everything. He stopped in his tracks when he heard a slightly slurred voice

“Peeeppeer” Tony’s voice dragged “What took you--” Tony tripped on the last stair of the staircase winding up from the bottom floor.  He put his arm on the wall to support himself while the other hand carried a whiskey bottle.

His face changed from the confused and giddy to serious and cruel. “ **Oh** , if isn’t it the good Captain, here to visit little ol’ me?”

He rested his elbow on the wall and put his hand behind his head. Then he leaned into the his hand and cross his ankles over, he drank from the bottle not changing his stance nor breaking eye contact. His posture was a relaxed look but it felt more like Tony was daring Steve to say something.

“Mr. Stark are you drunk?” Steve could see that he was but he couldn’t grasp the idea of someone being drunk so early in the day.

“Bother you old timer?” Tony pushed off the wall and sauntered his way to the kitchen

“It isn’t even 2 in the afternoon yet Mr. Stark.” Steve followed him into the kitchen, ignoring Tony’s last comment.

“It’s always 5 p.m in this house Rogers.” he tipped the top of the whiskey bottle towards Steve.

“How much have you drank?”

“Not enough if I’m able to stand.” Tony took that moment to drink more from the bottle.

“I think that’s enough Mr. Stark.” said Steve as he took the bottle away from Tony.

“I’ll know when I’ve had enough.” Tony attempted to snatch the bottle back.

“Will you?” Steve raised his eyebrow skeptically.

“It’s none of your fucking business how much I drink!” Tony’s voice raised.

Steve winced slightly “No you’re right it isn’t, but I care about your health.”

Tony scoffed “Yeah right, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t care if I ended up dead somewhere. I’m just a nuisance to you aren’t I? Like gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe.”

“No Mr.Stark you’re wrong. I don’t think you are a nuisance.”

“All I care about is myself, isn’t that right? You said that yourself.”

“I was wrong. You--”

“You’re damn right you’re wrong. You don’t know anything about me Rogers.” Tony spat

“You’re right, I don’t know much about you and I made assumptions and I’m sorry.”

Tony just shrugged, no longer interested in the conversation. He walked toward the cabinet and pulled out another bottle. Steve sighed setting the near empty bottle on the table.

“Want some Captain?” Tony eyed the older the bottle before making eye contact with Steve.

“No thanks, I don’t drink.” Steve instinctively moved the older bottle closer to him.

Tony turned away and pulled out a glass this time. He poured out the amber liquid and left the bottle opened for easy access. Tony sipped at his glass when he turned to look back at Steve. He leaned against the counter, he raised a brow and pointed at Steve.

“So what brings you here to my lovely abode?” he gestured to the rest of the house.

“I wanted to talk about our conversation of the helicarrier and to check on you since Pepper was worried about--”

“Wait Pepper sent you?” Tony disregarded the beginning of the sentence, more interested in the second part of it.

“Yes, she asked me too.” 

Tony started laughing hysterically, “Wow, that’s just great, she sent you because--” He continued laughing. “She really doesn’t want to see me” Tony threw a hand over his eyes and continued to laugh.

Steve was thrown off when Tony just started laughing but he became more concerned as time progressed.

 “Mr. Stark are you okay?”

Tony stopped laughing and stood there, he cleared his throat before he started swirling the drink in the cup in his hand.

“Great.” Tony tipped back the glass in one gulp. “Just great.”

Steve thought to himself, ‘He must have a high tolerance to alcohol, since how much I seen him drink so far plus how much he drank before I came and he is still coherent and barely slurring.’

“Well Rogers, I’m alive and well. So you can scurry on home now.” He turned away to refill the glass.

“When was the last time you eaten?” Steve crossed his arms, trying to think of a way to stop Tony from drinking.

“I just ate.”

“Mr. Stark is lying, the last time I have seen him eat was about 48 hours ago. If i remember correctly it was a granola bar and 4 cups of coffee.” the voice reappeared.

Steve was confused and surprised when the voice appeared out of nowhere but didn’t respond the same way as before. Tony just responded normally.

“JARVIS you traitor!” Tony huffed.

“I care about your welfare and health, Sir.”

Tony sighed and stole a glance at Steve, his face was confused.

“Get with the times Cap. That’s my AI.”

His face became more confused, Tony wanted to laugh at him for being so behind but he just explained further.

“Artificial Intelligence, I built him. He watches over the house and helps me build projects.”

“You built...him?” Steve face changed from confused to intrigued.

“Yeah, if you haven’t realized yet I’m kind of a genius.” Tony smirked.

Steve noticed that he hasn’t taken a drink from the cup he just poured; he wanted to keep it that way.

“That’s amazing.” It truly was to Steve, but he wanted to keep the conversation going to distract Tony. “Does everyone nowadays have something like this watching over their homes?”

“JARVIS is one of a kind, only to the Stark name.” Tony welled with pride.

“It’s been quite a hassle.” JARVIS inputted.

“Hey!”

“My systems are to only to serve you Sir.”

“Seems like you just sass me”

Perhaps JARVIS wanted to help Tony too. This could be used to his advantage. JARVIS knows more about Tony than he does and actually seen/knows his habits. This would make it easier to help Tony.

“Can I see JARVIS?” Steve questioned

Tony stared at Steve incredulously. ‘Does he think that JARVIS is a real person?’

“JARVIS is a system I programmed, so he doesn’t actually have a physical form. He can “see” us, but we can’t see him.”

Steve was slightly disappointed that he couldn’t talk to JARVIS more privately but he could still have JARVIS assist him.

“Oh, does anything else in the house talk?” Steve asked curiously

“Nope, but there are things that work by voice activation.” Tony explained.

“Did you build all the machines in your house?”

“No, maybe reengineered them so they run better, but the kitchen is just for looks. I don’t actually use it.”

Steve looked around the kitchen; there was so much space to move around and appliances. He wondered why Tony would need such a spacious kitchen if he doesn’t use it. Tony swirled the drink in the cup unconsciously, he was more intrigued about how such common things amazed Steve.

“Did you want to see the latest project I’m building?” Tony said suddenly. ‘Why did I ask him go down to the workshop?’ Tony thought

Steve nodded his head. Tony grabbed the opened bottle but left the glass there, he began walking down the staircase. Steve followed in after; kind of hoping Tony wouldn’t drink that bottle. Steve watched Tony punch in codes; his fingers were so swift against the holographic pad that appeared. Suddenly the door opened and the pad disappeared into the door.

“JARVIS pull up the latest schematics and dim the lights by 40%” Tony commanded

“Yes Sir” JARVIS complied.

Then the room was dimmed to a lower light and blue holographic screens appeared, surrounding them was like a starry sky. Steve looked around amazed and mesmerized of the room. Tony casually walked to his desk, pushing screens out of the way.

“You can push the screens, they move wherever you push them or you can throw them away. Like this” Tony grabbed a screen and crumpled it in his hands and threw it and a bin appeared. It made the sound of something landing in a can.

Tony seemed a bit more relaxed now that he was in his workshop than when they were upstairs. Tony set down the bottle near a pile of papers and started dragging multiple screens together. Steve gingerly raised his arm to push a screen to the side; it pushed off to the side make a way for Steve.

“These are amazing; I’ve never seen anything like this before.” Steve said in awe.

“Well prepared to have your mind blown.” Tony walked over to a more spacious area with a circular pad one the ceiling and floor.

“JARVIS pull up the 3D model of the Quinjet.” The circular pads started piecing together the quinjet and spun it slowly in a circle.

Steve walked over to this 3D hologram, flabbergasted. Tony grabbed the quinjet and extended it outwards to show the interior of the model. The plane separated into smaller pieces. Tony used his finger to spin it around to show Steve the dimensions of the jet he was planning.

“This is the newest Quinjet. It’s going to be the revamps of all aircrafts. A special gift to the Avengers to use. It’s the safest, fastest, hardest to detect, largest aircraft there is. It runs on an arc reactor element, so it’s completely eco-friendly.” Tony explained in simpler terms

“You made this for the Avengers?”

“The helicarrier is the base for shields and is slow in transportation so I wanted to make something just for the Avengers’ use.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.” said Steve as he reached to turn the model and looked at Tony for approval. Tony just gestured to it.

“Didn’t you make the helicarrier also?” Steve said as he remembered hearing someone saying something about the helicarrier being Stark Industries’ idea.

“Stark industries suggested the idea as a compromise, but I was assigned help to make the helicarrier. If it was up to me then I would have made the base less noticeable, better equipped for attacks and intrusions, and faster.”

Steve looked genuinely interested in what Tony was saying. Tony felt appreciated. He couldn’t remember the last time someone actually listened to every word he said and actually looked interested.

‘He looks like he is actually interested in what I’m talking about even though he probably doesn’t understand it. He’s not trying to tune me out or ignore me like everyone else.’

Tony rambled on becoming progressively more complicated and gibberish, where he would bounce from topic to topic so quickly but Steve followed along listening intently and occasionally asked questions.

At some point a machine whirred up to them with a tray that seemed to have food on it. Steve didn’t know that machines could make food but Tony explained that JARVIS probably ordered food and had Dum-E bring it to them. Tony said that he wasn’t hungry. Steve figured that if he started eating something slowly Tony will start eating too.

Sure enough Tony started eating bits and pieces of his food and it turned out he was hungrier than he thought he was since he ate most of the food. Steve allowed him to eat parts of his food since he wasn’t hungry and wanted Tony to eat the most he can, since he doesn’t often.

Steve had then started asking about Dum-E, they relapsed back into their conversation. Tony explained that Dum-E was the first machine he built when he was really young. Then later on he invented You and Butterfingers. Steve could tell that Tony really cared about his creations since he had this certain look he had on his face when he would speak about them.

They were getting along quite well until Steve accidently made a bad statement.

“You are such a great inventor, just like your father.”

Tony’s posture changed from relaxed to defensive. His facial expression changed from the open and carefree to cold and bitter the moment the word came from Steve’s mouth.

“I am **_nothing_** like my father. Don’t **ever** compare me to that **Fucking Bastard**!” Tony seethed.

Steve was taken aback at the tone that Tony used to speak about his father. There was so much venom and hatred in his voice. What made Tony speak such a way about his father? What happened while he was frozen?

‘Howard was a great man. What happened between them that Tony resents him so much?’ Steve thought bewildered.

“I’m sorry I didn’t—“

“Get out.”

Tony walked over to his desk and started picking up his tools. He wanted something to do with his hands to distract himself. Steve stood frozen, eyes stuck on Tony, who was hammering down on a metal sheet.

Steve dumbly replied “...What?”

Tony threw down the tools he was holding onto the table and whipped around to glare harshly at Steve.

“Get the **Fuck.** Out. Of. My. House!” Tony snapped viciously

Steve hesitated; Pepper explained to him earlier that Tony has a destructive and impulsive nature and acts rashly when he is angry or drunk.  

Tony turned back around, his back to Steve and replied in a calmly menacing voice “I will not repeat myself Rogers. We can go for a few rounds right here, right now.”

Not wanting to anger Tony any further. Steve left the room, apologetically. “I’m sorry for whatever happened between you and your father.” Steve said remorsefully before leaving the room.

Tony was gripping the desk so harshly his knuckles turned white and his arms were shaking.

‘How could I ever forget that Mr. Perfect Boy Scout was the reason “ _my father”_ neglected me.”

Tony grabbed the bottle that was off side of his desk, breaking into a new round of drinking. He wanted to punch something, to scream, to hate. Being alone again, wanting to escape from it all. He could hear all their voices, the people he disappointed, people who hated him, people who tore him to pieces.

The endless sea of empty bottles, paper scattered everywhere, and a broken disheartened person, to hold the weight of the sorrows and baggage of their world, facing their inner monsters. Some may never win.

The conscious of Tony was slipping as he drank away, ignoring JARVIS by muting him. He wanted to get away from it all. No one would care anyways right?

**_“Don’t waste your life...”_ **

‘It was never worth something to begin with.’

Tony thought, responding to a person so far away, out of his reach. He slipped into blackness and let the fears of his heart run wild.

**Author's Note:**

> I know that it was hard to read please leave tips and ideas to make it easier to read on here. I don't really know how to use this site so well >.> it looked better on a word doc >.


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